Nose picking : Day - 190

Nose picking:: - Day  190

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for constantly picking my nose and for not wanting to quit picking it and because, it sets my nose free from buggers

.

I forgive myself for  having accepted and allowed myself for cleaning my nose with my fingers and my hands, and not a tissue, and not a paper towel.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for feeling lousy and without moral, for picking my nose.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for not tending my face and hands with hygienic enough, because of my nose picking.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for flicking snot on carpets and on the streets and on the ground.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for wiping of snot on my clothes, and later experiencing that it created backchats in my mind, from having snot on my clothes and perhaps I am talking to someone else and reminding myself that my snot is on my pants for instance, and I would turn embraced, from having snot on my clothes.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for my believes that snot is a word for children and not for adults.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for believing that it is wrong to pick snot with ones fingers.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for the internal conversations that it creates within me, when I think of snot and also thinking of my nose in general.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for not being intimate enough with my nose and not giving it the care it deserves.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for thinking that snot is something that exclusively belongs to my memories, and not to present.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for thinking that snot is something that I have left behind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for thinking that snot has familiar taste.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for my memory of when i was child i would pick my nose so hard it would start  to bleed.  

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for the backchats and internal conversations i experience when i imagine children with snotty noses, and myself with snot in my nose and that i feel shame from the experience.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for the polareties that is created with my relations to snot that origins from my backchats and that gossip that i experience when i hear the word snot.

Leave me alone character - Day 189

Leave me alone character -  Day 189

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for the voice of someone saying “leave me alone” in my head and in my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for thinking that there is someone that is crying out in the air that they would like to be left alone.

I forgive myself for  having accepted and allowed myself for pretending that the voice that says leave me alone is not my own and that there is someone that actually needs help.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for thinking that I need help or assistance since I hear that voice.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for pretending that I can help the voice in particular and that I would like to pretend to be a caring person, and that I would like to appear to be a helpful person.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for ignoring and not paying attention,   to the voice or my believes of the voice, because I realize that it is not real, and it’s only imaginary in my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for wanting to ignore the voice in my head, and my  mind because it is a result of internal conversation, and fear from not succeeding with work, and that the voice is in fact a demon, that had occupied my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for the internal conversation and backchats that occur when I hear the voice.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for creating fantasies about the voice should be in a hospital to receive medicine, and that the voice is in need of care, not realizing that the voice is I.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for thinking that the voice is from my experience of work and that my relationship to work is the reason, that I hear these voices and for thinking that i dont desrve to work.

When and as I see myself having a voice or experiencing something that have to do about this voice or other voices, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the voice is from me and that I have to deal within myself sooner or later. I commit myself to the understanding that all voices that I hear or experience within my mind, is from myself and that it is not real and it is just mind.

Child memories: Development: Defining: self-forgiveness -Day 188

Child memories: Development: 

Defining: self-forgiveness 

Day 188

I was given birth to in the city of Stavanger, in Norway 22 july 1978.  I grew up in the small community town of Bjerkreim south west coast of Norway. I remember my birth. I remember that I was screaming.  I have one older sister and I have two younger sisters. I lived my first two years in a house near the school where I later went to school. My parents where both teachers there then. I remember that I would collect bottles from the football field and that I where playing in the grass beside the football field when I was crawling out of the door from our home and I saw my father standing outside in the field working with the ground. And I was no older than one or two years old them. I remember my dad’s looks and I remember his tool that he had in his hands that was a tool to pick up potatoes with.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to going back to the memory of when I was living in a house and my father was pulling up potatoes, from the ground and I was watching him, and he was using a tool to lift up the potatoes.

I forgive myself or having accepted and allowed myself for going back to the memory of when I was crawling on the floor and I see myself as an easy target from anyone to grab, and for anyone to harm or play with.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for looking at myself as vulnerable and fragile when I was a baby.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define myself as chunk, of a baby boy because of how my body looked and how my body was.

I remember that I was crawling on the floor and I remember that we had a rug or a carpet on the floor. I believe my mother made it from her wearing mashing. It was a quit simple home. There was the 4 of us. My sister myself and our parents. I remember that I tried to crawl and that there were chairs there that I could crawl around. And I also remember that the door was open tile outside. Where we had some vegetables.

I spent my first years there from 1978 til 1980 there. In 1980 when I was 2 years old we moved from there. My parents had bought a hose not far from the same place. So we drove for 4 kilometers to our new home. It was a short drive. And a news start for all of us.

I realize that I my relation to defining is then layer with and within the action of moving and my action of moving from one place to another is my defining.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for the practice I have used later in life, without knowing it, and that have led me to mist trust and dysfunction.

I realize that I my relation to defining am then laid with and within the action of moving and my action of moving from one place to another is my defining.

I forgive that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I use this type on defining with me every day and with how I relate and how I communicate.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for using this event every day when I am to, communicate or to use language, gesticulating and also acting.

I forgive myself for  having accepted and allowed  myself for not using my awareness  to when I use this episode  to defy who I am, and to defy  what I can be and to  defy  my situations.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for not before using my awareness to understand or investigate what is my defining, and when I define and why I define.

Self forgiveness on chores - Day 187

Self forgiveness on chores.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for when I am to sit and eat at the kitchen,  and my parents are there, I have a tendency to turn rude, because  I am not 100% happy with my situation, and I may answer them in a rude tone say, if my food was not prepared 100% right.

I forgive myself that i have not accapted or allowed myself  to be happy with my food, and therefor becoming upset with my surroundings.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted or allowed myself to take my time with prepaering food  inn kitchen, and there for not giving  myself the pleasuse of a good meal.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for wanting to escape, from chores, and for not wanting to participate with the chores that I am expected to do around the house.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for wanting to escape from my chores, and from my daily routines that in reality is important for me to participate with for me to function better in life.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for not doing my share of work in life, and for escaping from chores, that I could have participated with, and for not relay wanting to participate with work because I fear work.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for having a fear  from participating with work because  I fear that I might not function in my job as good as  expected,  and I might not function, in my job as good as I would expect from myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for having fears related to my expectation to what is in the self-interest of gaining work and the also self honsty.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for fearing my reaction to what I could expect of reward from participating in work and chores.

Flag point on thoughts - Day 186

My thoughts are not real.

My thoughts do not define who I am. I am not the backchats, internal conversations that have made me into the lie of a life that I have lived for years.

I am not my thought I am not the thoughts that I have in my mind.

If I have thought they only lead me to my mind that is deceptive.

I am not my thoughts when I experience thoughts.

My thoughts lead me to, my mind and my mind is but deceptive.

I am not the lie or and the brainwash, that I have been told to live from school and from education, from parent and friend, ex-girlfriends, and work colleagues, former and present.

The thoughts that I have and experience to day are not real. My thoughts are lies combined with brainwash, and little else.

I am not my thoughts. My thoughts are not who I am. My thoughts are not real.

I am not the thoughts that I hear or that I have in my head. My thoughts are not real and they are not the conspiracy of my internal conversations and my memories. My thought is not real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for, having been fooled to trust my own thoughts, and that I should, believe that my thoughts are realistic or real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for having lived a life in the believes that my thoughts mattered, and that I convinced myself  that my thoughts where real and that they were in any way precious to me.

When and as I see myself participating with thoughts that it is ok to think and that am in title to think and that my thinking should matter. I stop and I breathe. I realize that my thoughts are not real. I commit myself to stop thinking whenever I can and to stop thinking as good as I can whenever I can.

When and as I see myself, participating with thoughts that say to me that my thoughts are cool or interesting. I stop and I breathe. I realize that thought s could fool me and my thoughts are very fast manipulative. I commit myself to the understanding that my thoughts are irrelevant and that they  should be stopped.